Normally, I wouldn't make a sandwich, especially a magick one, with Spam. It's a scourge for blogs, necessitating moderation of every last comment. I used to be so happy that a reader, even one with wobbly English, had taken the time to write...and then I'd get to the sales pitch for a sex toy or an Indian escort service. (I assume rubber genitalia are easier to get through Customs.) Needless to say, the thrill is gone. Spam emails aren't much fun, either. But this morning, I got a good one from Mr. Bongaki Khonu* who needs me "to receive $18.720M andwe will discuss what we both stand to…
Selected by kathcom
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Most Topular Stories
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Today's Special: Hot and Spicy Spam
Magick Sandwich26 Apr 2013 | 2:12 pm -
The flipping dead: Zombies do parkour
Holy Kaw!21 May 2013 | 7:11 pmForget that trademark zombie shuffle; we’re all in serious trouble now that they’ve jumped on (or over) the parkour bandwagon. Feel free to start flipping out right about…now. Full story at YouTube via Geekosystem. They’re gonna get ya. -
5 Mother’s Day Gift Ideas That Cost You Virtually Nothing
Nanny Goats in Panties26 Apr 2013 | 1:01 pmWhen are you going to get it through your thick skull that spending a lot of money on your mom for Mother’s Day is completely missing the point? There is a reason why she puts your crappy stick figure art, or the crayon outline of your hand turned into a turkey on the refrigerator, rather than installing museum pieces in the parlor. On Mother’s Day you want to make her feel special. And how do you do that? Easy. Just employ any or all of the following low-cost hyper-thoughtful Mother’s Day gift ideas and you’re golden for at least another 365 days. 1. Listen to her. -
Father Excitedly Tells 10-Year-Old Son About New Video Game System
The Onion21 May 2013 | 1:37 pmWEST HAVEN, CT—Following Microsoft’s official unveiling of their latest video game console Tuesday, 41-year-old father of two Richard Shearer excitedly told his son David, 10, about the new features of the Xbox One.
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Magick Sandwich
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Today's Special: Hot and Spicy Spam
26 Apr 2013 | 2:12 pmNormally, I wouldn't make a sandwich, especially a magick one, with Spam. It's a scourge for blogs, necessitating moderation of every last comment. I used to be so happy that a reader, even one with wobbly English, had taken the time to write...and then I'd get to the sales pitch for a sex toy or an Indian escort service. (I assume rubber genitalia are easier to get through Customs.) Needless to say, the thrill is gone. Spam emails aren't much fun, either. But this morning, I got a good one from Mr. Bongaki Khonu* who needs me "to receive $18.720M andwe will discuss what we both stand to… -
Sandwich Fixins #9
26 Mar 2013 | 9:30 amWhen I can't stand the clutter in the fridge, I bring you another serving of sandwich fixins. What's the warranty on an exorcism? I'm sad that Hugo Chavez' body was too decomposed to be preserved and displayed like Lenin. It means no one will ever be able to break into his glass casket and dress him in crotchless panties. Why do pickles say "Refrigerate After Opening?" People who love pigeons should be forced to feed them worms and grubs. Do they just assume the birds prefer stale bread, with all those carbs and gluten? Why isn't PETA on this? Could Lois Lane… -
Google, Come Back!
16 Mar 2013 | 11:57 amGoogle, why won't you call? I've tried so hard to make you love me. I study everything you want me to: Page Rank, Author Rank, Adsense, AdWords, Analytics--the list goes on and on. Yet I'm still confused. You must be nice since you like penguins and pandas. So why aren't we in Sync? You stalked me with your Street View car and took an awful picture of me while stealing my neighbors' WiFi data. I was a little flattered, though I wish I'd had time to freshen up. Then you swore it was a rogue buddy who'd done it and taught me that without a password, we're all just asking for it. But lately I… -
Get Gorgeous with Crazy Treatments on Valentine's Day!
14 Feb 2013 | 2:52 amWelcome to Magick Sandwich, your source for all things Valentine! Since I've already listed 9 Ways to Prevent Your Own Valentine's Day Massacre and taught you to Pimp Your Vajajay for Valentine's Day!, it's time to get serious about skincare for your special day. We've got some interesting products to get through so let me start with a question, ladies. Remember what your high school boyfriend always told you? Turns out he was right. It really is good for your skin. Get your game face on at Graceful Services where, for only $125, you'll be massaged with Spermine, a powerful antioxidant found… -
JC Saves the World! No, Not That One.
22 Dec 2012 | 1:38 pmMagick Sandwich asks the big questions like, "Who's predicting the end of the world this time?" Last year, Harold Camping, a self-proclaimed Biblical scholar, predicted Judgment Day would begin with global natural disaster on May 21st, 2011. I immediately penned this letter to Jesus to find out what to pack for the Rapture and the logistics of getting to heaven. When I learned many of us would be left behind, I suggested ways to thrive on our doomed planet, including real estate opportunities and gainful employment caring for pets left behind by Raptured owners. As we all know, May 21st came…
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Holy Kaw!
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The flipping dead: Zombies do parkour
21 May 2013 | 7:11 pmForget that trademark zombie shuffle; we’re all in serious trouble now that they’ve jumped on (or over) the parkour bandwagon. Feel free to start flipping out right about…now. Full story at YouTube via Geekosystem. They’re gonna get ya. -
WordPress errors that make you look silly
21 May 2013 | 6:44 pmLike this infographic? Get more WordPress publishing content from Copyblogger. -
IVF breakthrough could triple chances of success [video]
21 May 2013 | 6:13 pmThose who struggle with fertility issues are all too familiar with the emotional highs and lows that come with trying every trick in the book, yet an article recently published in Reproductive BioMedicine Online reports that a new technique using timelapse images of the developing embryos could help determine which were most likely to result in the [...] -
A taste of the robotic bartender [video]
21 May 2013 | 6:01 pmWe always thought the bartender was half the bar experience, but it looks like they’d better watch their backs now that the Makr Shakr has made its debut. These three industrial robots are the brainchild of MIT SENSEable City Laboratory and Italian architecture studio Carlo Ratti Associati and allow patrons to order customized cocktails via app, yet we doubt [...] -
How much major internet companies care about your privacy [chart]
21 May 2013 | 1:43 pmNot a day seems to pass when online privacy issues make headlines, so the Electronic Frontier Foundation decided to read the fine print for you and evaluate the Internet’s heavy hitters on how seriously they take keeping your personal information private. Each company was evaluated on six criteria that are explained in more depth at [...]
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Nanny Goats in Panties
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5 Mother’s Day Gift Ideas That Cost You Virtually Nothing
26 Apr 2013 | 1:01 pmWhen are you going to get it through your thick skull that spending a lot of money on your mom for Mother’s Day is completely missing the point? There is a reason why she puts your crappy stick figure art, or the crayon outline of your hand turned into a turkey on the refrigerator, rather than installing museum pieces in the parlor. On Mother’s Day you want to make her feel special. And how do you do that? Easy. Just employ any or all of the following low-cost hyper-thoughtful Mother’s Day gift ideas and you’re golden for at least another 365 days. 1. Listen to her. -
Email from Lekki Lagos a Scam? Pshaw!
5 Apr 2013 | 1:07 pmimage: earthlink I was going to tell you about Harold, my new pet tse tse fly, and how I came to be mayor of a small town in West Dakota, but then I got this very important email: I know! I’m totally going to be a spy, y’all! Oh, I hear your silly cries of warning, that this might be a scam, but I did my research and it’s totally legit. I Googled “ventgloballogistics.net” and everything. You see, according to one of those WHOIS pages, their domain is registered in the Netherlands and Luxembourg, sooo European. And it’s barely a month old, so… -
Getting Back at Spammers
25 Mar 2013 | 4:18 pmExacting true and just revenge on spammers is impossible. And while I desire to maim them swiftly and severly, it’s mostly illegal in this country. They are pesky flies that won’t die and you swat and flail and miss. And exhaust yourself to endless frustration. That’s why I like to mock the ever-lovin’ snot out of them whenever and however I can. Take for example this comment I got recently which got in my craw, so rather than deleting the comment, I responded… And then I removed the link to their bogus “make money online” scammy spammy ugly icky… -
What is the Capital of California?
16 Mar 2013 | 5:00 pmSo many people are asking this question (in fact many people are Googling it right now and ending up here) that I thought I would finally put all doubt to rest once and for all. So, what is the capital of California? That’s easy. It’s either Los Angeles or San Francisco because every time you talk to people from either one of these cities, they act like they are all that and a side of fries piled on a golden platter that floats in the center of the universe. So, it naturally follows that one of those cities is the capital. Plus, I used to live in Los Angeles. And for ten years, I… -
Who is Clinton Kelly, Anyway?
26 Feb 2013 | 12:59 pmI’m probably not the first one to opine that Peter Brady (or any one of the The Osmond Brothers) did a great job hosting the Oscars this weekend. Ah, the Oscars. Fashion overload at its finest. Timely, too, because it’s Fashion Week here in Sacramento, the wardrobe capitol of…of… the greater Sacramento area. As some of you already know, I went virtually makeup-less my entire life until recently, taking a loan out on my house to purchase face paint for a three-minute television appearance. So now that I’m an expert on the matter, I was invited to attend a big…
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The Onion
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Father Excitedly Tells 10-Year-Old Son About New Video Game System
21 May 2013 | 1:37 pmWEST HAVEN, CT—Following Microsoft’s official unveiling of their latest video game console Tuesday, 41-year-old father of two Richard Shearer excitedly told his son David, 10, about the new features of the Xbox One. -
American Voices: Apple Dodged Billions In Taxes
21 May 2013 | 1:10 pmApple CEO Tim Cook was questioned by lawmakers today, following a congressional report that showed how the company used a complex web of offshore subsidiaries to keep the IRS from taxing at least $74 billion of its earnings over the past four years. -
‘Our Thoughts Go Out To Oklahoma,’ Says Congressman Mentally Calculating When He Can Bring Up Benghazi Again
21 May 2013 | 12:15 pmVISTA, CA—Following the devastating tornado in Oklahoma this week that killed dozens of residents and displaced many more, U.S. -
24-Year-Old Receives Sage Counsel From Venerable 27-Year-Old
21 May 2013 | 12:10 pmDULUTH, MN—Generously bestowing the kind of wisdom that only comes with age, worldly and venerable 27-year-old Matthew Owen took the time last night to offer his enlightened counsel to 24-year-old family friend Dennis Paige, sources confirmed Tuesda... -
2013 Year In Review Photo Essay Shaping Up To Be Quite Horrific
21 May 2013 | 11:45 amWASHINGTON—Citing a succession of tragedies that have darkened the majority of 2013, including the Boston Marathon bombing, the Bangladeshi garment building collapse, and yesterday’s Oklahoma tornado, media outlets across the nation confirmed ...
